Alcoholic Ghosts, Pedo-Pimp Dracula, and A Hair Growth Solution That Works On Pubes: The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

The Peanut Butter Solution was basically terrible.


When I was a small boy, my grandmother suggested that we rent The Peanut Butter Solution because she thought it was a great movie for small children and we would like it. I'm very glad we didn't see it, because a) I don't very well trust my grandmother's opinion very much on things like this and b) I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the richness of the stupidity of this movie as a small child. Had I seen it then, I would have been less likely to seek out the movie today.

The movie is so terrible that it's almost good. It is very clearly geared toward very young children from the suburbs, the type that are more likely to get a disgusting Lunchables than an honest peanut butter and jelly sandwich in their lunch. Boring and mediocre, this movie exists for those kids...it's about as interesting as the Magic Journeys ride at Disney World.

To the movie's credit, it has alcoholic ghosts and a peanut butter-based hair growth solution that allows a kid who is basically eight to grow pubic hair that reaches down past his shoes (seriously). But it has just about everything else going against it.