Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988) Semi-Reviewball & Gif-O-Rama

It looks like it's probably a pretty bitchin' movie, huh? They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they? Before we dive deep into this magical world of community theater rejects and soulless puppetry, let's point out what you won't be seeing.

Do you see that giant hand back there? The one with sharp, scary claws that's just about to scratch the Christ out of someone? It belongs to an imp that is roughly 2 feet tall, mostly inanimate, and talks like a pimp from Baltimore, so go ahead and cross that one off the list. See that girl on the cover? The one with her weight shifted to one leg, hands on hips, a handkerchief covering her chest, with pants that were seemingly spray painted on? She doesn't exist! But I assume they are alluding to the character of "Spider" who also has circles on her pants and is also female. However, there is a bowling alley, and those other people are in the movie, so at least it's not complete and utter bullshittery of the King Kong caliber. I kinda wish it was, though.

I'll be honest. I don't care about explaining this movie's plot or analyzing the characters. There's nothing to critique. The movie sucks. There. That's my review. The only reason I'm making this post is so I can create animated gifs of the best/worst parts of the movie and share them with the world! Hee hee! *fart* I enjoy making gifs from things no one would or should ever make gifs from. Fair warning, I plan on doing this all the time. Original content!! Yeah!!!

Since posting these gifs one after the other can bring a browser to a screeching halt, I'll post links to the pictures in their respective comments. Click a link to see a gif!


1. "She-demons...damned if ya do, damned if ya don't!" says the inept, mildly retarded protagonist, Calvin. He lights a person on fire with a fucking molotov cocktail and doesn't even have the common courtesy to watch them burn to death? What the hell is he looking at, anyway? The fuck outta my movie, pussy!

2. (NSFW) Dang! That paddle is like one of those giant wooden spatulas people use to get pizzas out of the oven. I can't believe those dudes had the balls to sneak INTO the fucking sorority house to get a better view of that ass-spankin'. Hats off, fellas.

3. ...BACK TO THE FUNCTION, RIDIN' THE CABOOSE TO HELL, GZZZZZZZT, TOUCHED THE MAIN ENTRANCE TO THE MALL...YA FUCKED UP, CHICKEN, NOW YOU JUST GOT FRIED, 'CAUSE IT'S A SUICIDE

4. A tender, revealing moment. In their spare time, zombies enjoy bowling using the heads of their victims as the ball. Unfortunately, the heads never make it all the way down the lane, rendering the game fucking pointless.

5. "Have a nice trip, see you next fall!" That is the actual spoken dialogue. Someone wrote that down, thought about it, OK'ed it, and allowed someone to say it, where it was intended as comedy, in a movie.

6. When one of the girls asks the imp "Why are you doing this?!", he replies, "What I'm doin' is tormentin' you! That is what imps do! Goofy!" Ouch, burn!

7. UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT UT!!!!

8. (NSFW) What's a cheesy, campy, low-budget horror movie without gratuitous nudity? (edit: because of the bodacious bazooms, this picture might be taken down again and again. I'll try to keep it up as best I can.)

8a. Just a loop of the door opening.

FUCK ALL YALL