The Suspension of Miss Bileaf: investors wanted for megabuck million dollar dream of an idea!

She's Just a Big Small-Town Girl, Living in a Lonely World...

"...A heartwarming comedy of obese proportions!"

Carrie Bileaf is an aspiring singer whose one dream is to share her voice with the world and perform on stage. There's just one catch- she's a total fatty! In fact, Miss Bileaf has grown to the point where even rising off of her couch, let alone walking out the door and down to the talent contest, would be an impossibility.


Luckily she's not alone, she also lives with her father and a wacky home health care worker. Dad usually doesn't spend much time with Carrie because he is too busy running a successful auto-dealership. When they do hang out it's mostly small talk since he can't abide her flighty show-biz dreams and she's tired of hearing about crankshafts and secretaries. Still, his generosity knows no bounds and he selflessly provides for Carrie's every need. Those needs include Kiki, the aforementioned wacky, flamboyantly gay, latin home health worker. Kiki provides comic relief AND diversity (we doubled up on the ethnic and gay thing so we wouldn't need two characters). Cue wacky bathing sequences where clumsy Kiki misplaces one of Carrie's tits only to be knocked out cold by it once it swings back into frame; bedsores rupturing all over Kiki's goggles; and a little bit of "Hey! So that's where my mop went!" comedy.


Carrie's life changes one day when a wrecking ball demolishes half of her house. Joe, the crane operator rushes in to survey the damage, and that's where true love's spark catches fire. Sample dialogue:

Joe: Sorry about your house.
Carrie: It's my dad's house actually.
Joe: My bad.
Carrie: Ok.
Joe: God I love craning stuff.
Carrie: I like to sing.
Joe: I'll call you.
Carrie: *burps*

After they fall in love for a while Joe asks Carrie if she wants to go to the local talent show but Carrie bursts into tears. Joe is understandably turned off by the waterworks and peaces the fuck out. Carrie is despondent but her papa comes to the rescue. He surreptitiously places a call to Joe's crane company and requests a crane come pick something up on the night of the talent show. Since Joe is the only one at the company without a date for the night he agrees to come over.


So on the night of the talent show Joe starts getting a funny feeling when he realizes the address for his job is the Bileaf residence! Big hugs and big tears break out once Carrie realizes her dad really DID care about her and arranged for Joe to come over. Joe for his part is ecstatic once he realizes that he will be able to take Carrie to the show after all. And Carrie, oh Carrie is overflowing at the opportunity to be part of the show. Sample dialogue:

Carrie: This is so great.
Joe: I know.
Dad: Hey.
Carrie: What?
Dad: I'm so happy.
Joe: Me too.
Carrie: How did you think of this idea.
Joe: Me?
Carrie: No, my dad.
Dad: Oh I guess I just thought of it.
Carrie: Well it was good.
Dad: Thanks.

So yada yada they hook her to the crane, swoop her over to the talent show, hoist her above the stage and she sings like she's never sung before! Joe is beaming from inside the crane's operation booth, Dad is 'getting jiggy with it' in the crowd, and Kiki is all talking sassy with a dick in his hand! Just as Carrie hits the highest note she's ever hit she massively shits herself and the stage. This provides catharsis for the audience, which is now crying.