The Wit and Wisdom of Scott from No Retreat, No Surrender (1986)

Somebody should really Rosencrantz and Guildenstern the fuck out of No Retreat, No Surrender.

Really though, the story of Scott and that asshole in the bar, who I will just proclaim to be Scott's older brother, should be told. Preferably in great and repetitive detail. Ideally I think the story should revolve around both of them constantly threatening to 'get' various individuals, eating messy foods, and then getting beaten up. Lots more peepee heehee jokes would be good too. And yeah ok, main characters Jason Sitwell and RJ "Don't imply some kind of ridiculous homosexual rimjob connotation just because I follow Jason around like a lovesick puppy and occasionally sit in his lap eating ice cream while he thrusts up into me over and over again and I lick my face and smile and kind of grind my tender boycheeks down onto his firmness" Madison the Third have their own appeal and certainly the movie is great as is, but come on, Scott is a comedy genius with a gift for bluster and manhandling various foodstuffs, and the fact that he basically disappears at the halfway mark of the film is a travesty.

Scott was played by Kent Lipham who wisely parlayed his success in No Retreat into a small role in arguably one the top three finest motion pictures ever made: Extreme Prejudice. Good for him.